Demolition Lovers

            Whether it's you verses I or us verses the world, most of us have been in intoxicating relationships sequined with dramatic flair. "Demolition Lovers" is both a beautifully vivid oxymoron as well as a song by "My Chemical Romance." A young couple in love, despite the world's rejection, run away together as vagabonds/lawbreakers and end up in a gunfire blaze of glory. This is the kind of stuff I ate up as a pimply teenager....and still.... I'm mystified by as a pimpled adult. Some things never change.

           We grow older, we cultivate wisdom , most of us avert from self-seeking recklessness.  I will always and forever be a girl who loves to be in love, but love of love(singular) has turned into love of life(plural). Let me clarify. The focus is no longer about the first kiss. It's about the smile that follows. That smile divulges a million different things. It shouts confidence and excitement while whispering vulnerability and embarrassment. The smile confesses experience...the real treasure.

           These blissful gems look like a perfect play to a running touchdown- caught by your timid nine year old. They sound like the opening song to your favorite band you road tripped to follow. They taste like his chapstick you just stole the "fun" way. They smell like a new baby; that tender sweet smell which can only be titled heaven. Can heaven be bottled? Can the taste of water be described?  It tastes like sulfur if you live in Florida. If you live northwest it tastes like a new baby smells.

           I had a high school boyfriend/obsession. I would have rather slit my wrist or run off in a blaze of gunfire than be kept away from him. New love is like the atomic bomb of emotions. I still crave those immature emotions now as a married woman of 11 years, but resist them. Reality has shown me  that obsessive love is poisonous. Lasting love is stable. Perfect happiness brings together stability and passion like a 6 and a 9.  Passion appears in hilarious forms.

           Some call it "mid-life crisis" I call it re-detaining the awesomeness that dashed out the door when I was wiping a bum(the baby's, not mine, awesome doesn't run away from my butt). It's the reason I'm writing again, it's the reason Dean bikes like Lance Armstrong. Alright, so I'm not quite mid life yet, but I might as well be...when the hell do you see a 66 year-old at a hard core rock show after rock climbing?....Never. The ugly truth is this.... my time is limited and that scares the  poppycock  right out of me.

            I love passionate people. I really want to meet someone who buys those ridiculous steamy romance novels. The cover art alone makes it a "white elephant" winner. People must buy them because they're at every grocery store,  and take up an entire section. You've got a wall of Fabio on your right and a hundred different twilight knock-offs on your left. A tiny section of classic literature, and a wee bit of world events and scripture.  I'm going to buy a romance novel for the sole purpose of flipping it open poolside with friends and family. I'll just act like it's any other book club read. It's a win/win decision. I bring laughter to the party, and Dean gets more sex.  I'm going to have to steal the book, however,  because no self-respecting adult can walk to the check-out register carrying this.
                                                 
He doesn't look like a sniper. It is a sexy occupation, but where's his gun? How do you conceal it in black stretchy pants? Maybe that's his trick. What you think is naturally him is really aiming to kill instead of impregnate. And the title....a little redundant. He'd be a lousy sniper if he wasn't  secret. Great, now I'm interested in the plot. Also, I'm inspired. My next story is going to be about Dean and my love adventures.

                 Physical beauty is wasted on youth. It takes a lot of experience to beautify the inside. When the inside is finally glowing the outside is regretfully sagging. It's the ultimate contradiction. One of the many oxymoron's we live with. Sweet sorrow, alone together, unbiased opinions, insane logic, minor crisis's, constructive criticism, silent speech. Even love and hate go hand in hand. We all have a love hate list that grows longer with age. Here's some of mine. It's on the wall next to "people to pray for", and "people to kill".

        My Love Hate List...the loving is easy....usually.....and it's a good thing I love you.
1.  Babies...They're ticking time bombs. Ready to blow screams or poop wherever, whenever. They send me right to the pharmacy for anxiety prescription. I will yank out my boob anywhere, covered or not, just stop the crying!!!!!
2.Marriage....I'm the luckiest girl in the world....but sometimes....hands in choking motion, visions of repetitious beating.
3. Food....I bet factory employees ask the same question numerous times. "Are you sure anyone is going to want to eat this? Wont it kill them"? Response..."Shut up, and pour in the orange powder"! God stamped "Cheeto Inventor" on somebody's head. Then mixed "loves Cheetos" in with my DNA. It's a sick joke on me given that the main  ingredient of Cheetos is Cheetle. What the Devil?
4. Sex......If anything is ailing me Dean says "I've got a cure for that".  He gets a light chuckle from me if  I have a small cold, but when I'm pregnant and puking......your fricken "cure" is why I'm in this frickin mess!
5. Stay at Home Mom ....It's the most bittersweet job without pay. I am grateful and will never regret my decision. I will regret
                     a. Poops for paychecks
                     b.  raging tantrums for reviews
                     c. "I hate yous " for interviews
                     d.  kids in combat for company parties
                     e.  mayhem for meetings
                     f.  laundry stains for lunch
           I can't quite say I'm experienced or Innocent, but I am swimming to the deep end. It would be too simple to stay shallow. Not take chances or try new things. Adolescence was scary in a bi-polar  kind of way. Adulthood is also scary. I created a new generation of myself.
                      I'm just going to keep on swimming and try to avoid that brown thing floating by.