Lipstick

I purchased some lipstick today. I used to wear it regularly, until a comment left me thinking it was too “showy”. Apparently you’re a hooker or attention craved if you wear dark lipstick. In the 1940’s it was the classy norm, but the morals just weren’t as high as they are today.

I’m a mom over thirty who still loves to skateboard. I cruise around my neighborhood, buried behind my hair, wishing for a nighttime rock less ride, all while avoiding eye contact with anyone who’ll  think I’m being“showy”.

Maybe I should wear a mask. Like that one from the movie scream...? But I would totally fall if I couldn't see.

My daughter stood up at my son’s first grade program and started shaking her booty to the music. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  My admiration quickly turned mournful. Why? Because self-awareness and social anxiety is what she gets to look forward to. The rule book is very conclusive on appropriate ways of attention, especially here in Utah Valley.

My fuchsia streaked mom hair is not on that list……sigh…….Short and fluffy-ok, pink-no way.

It’s all good though; in about 40 years I can do it a light shade of purple. On top of that, I can wear what I want and grab who I want. Old people are erratic  and that’s okay, they’ve earned their way.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I worry too much and assume false things. Maybe there is no judgment, and that teenage egocentricity “everybody’s looking at me” just never wore off. 

The truth is (I hope)…no one is looking. If they are, they’re just trying to see around my big fat tall head. I consistently pick the wrong things to fret about.

I tend to learn appropriate behavior through trial and error. After finally finding a good looking picture of myself in a swimsuit, I eagarly turned into “Jojo the idiot circus boy,” and posted it to 100+ people on Facebook.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I entered myself into the “I’m too sexy” club. You know, those gals who post pictures of themselves trying to look hot. The thing is, they are hot, we freaking know you’re hot since like 200 pictures ago. 

Uh well, you live and learn,

and try to love yourself while remaining modest.

I believe in the practice of modest modesty. I think of modesty as a steak or suntan. It can be underdone or overdone.  Finding the perfect level of “showy” can be perplexing, but when it’s discovered…

Its harmonized loveliness…pull it off the grill. 

I’ve learned a thing or two in my thirty-three contemplative years. Here'a the way it works living behind the zion curtain:

This is bad showy

This is good showy

                                                                   But what is this?

                                                                            Pull it off the grill.