Media, Morals and Mayhem

           Here's the thing.....

If my children turn out to be completely bizarre and hyperactive, it's not because they have me as a mother. I was actually a very calm, gentle, soft spoken, shy child. It will be because I didn't control the television.  It starts with cartoons. 

       You might think "It's a cartoon, how strange can it be?" If you find yourself saying this, I encourage you to sit down and watch a little Cartoon Network. I watch it often, for multiple reasons. First, being it's a bonding moment with my kids. And second, well, who am I kidding, I freaking love cartoons. Saturday  morning... waking up with the sun, cuddling in front of the tube in my footsie jams. Hours of cartoons are checked off the list before mom and dad even roll out of bed. Ahhhh, good times.

       Somewhere along the way, however, "Smurfs" turned into "Total Drama Island," and He-man turned into "Almost Naked Animals." A few other titles to avoid... you might want to write this down.

Adventure Time
The Problem Solverz
Ed Edd N Eddy
Regular Show
Angry Beavers

       There is a good chance I just saved your child from ADHD and alarming weirdness.   
                                                       You're welcome.
        I can't pretend, though,  that I don't love Spongebob. I think that show's ingenious.
The guy that plays spongebob's voice probably never gets laid, but man, the character development is brilliant.  Some lame "study" suggested that Spongebob watchers have lower test scores than non-Spongebob watchers. I can't trust statistics. We don't need to run no study to show what makes them kids dumb. I can tell you right now. 

Dumb parents.

         It's not just cartoons I'm worried about. Have you noticed that every year around October, the scary movie trailers get more and more demonically demented ? Like cartoons, I love scary movies, but when did it get taken too far? Is society getting so numb that we not only seek for, but pay for these twisted movies?

          I love a good cinematic thrill, but really?  Seeing this movie would brand my name on the psychopathic spectrum. I'm not saying you're a psycho if you've seen this, I am just saying you're baby stepping that direction. As if it's not gross enough that body parts are being sawed off, it's now offered in 3D!  And if that doesn't do it for you sickos, you can rent the "uncut" version which is very misleading since everything in the script is getting cut. Gross.

         How does a mother train her child's brain to be repulsed by "explicit" images instead of enthralled by them? This is one of the many reasons I go to church. I don't want to raise a sociopath!  I need  good vs. evil, or my life is meaningless. I can't be perfect and that's o.k, but I 'm comfortable wearing these naivety goggles.  Everything around me is a pleasant shade of light gray.

        It's important to me to raise honest, hard working, morally clean children. This is why I've saved my Human Sexuality college textbook. Some images I want far away from innocent minds, but others, I plan on using to instill fear. "This is what happens when you have premarital sex...cue genital warts picture. Mary Jane wasn't born retarded, she became that way when she did the pot".

       Alright, I'm not really going to do that to my children. I just find the following

claim ridiculously  humorous: "Organized religion is used to instill fear and control." I'll tell you what O.R. is really about; It gives me structure, choice, and truth. It takes away fear, and shows me a higher level of happiness(we repeated this phrase over and over last Sunday). Truly though, the only thing I fear in life and death is regret. That, and raising children. It's enough fright to last me two lifetimes.

       If there's a God, there's also a Devil. It's the balance of nature. Every good has a bad. For everything moral, there is something immoral- and you can find it in Vegas. While wearing my naivety goggles, I had this great idea of taking the kids on a Vegas vacation. If you remember, the theme wasn't always "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." There was a time when Vegas appealed to families.

       Here's how my decision played out. First I said "screw that" to the Vegas theme, then booked a room in the Excalibur castle. After telling my kids we were staying in a castle, I told them our plans for "seeing white tigers, humongous fish tanks, light shows, water fountain shows, rides, circus circus". They had saucer sized eyes full of astonished joy and excitement. I couldn't wait to see their first look at a casino. We see with greedy eyes while they see with video game eyes. Thrills begin early in life.

       My husband didn't share the same enthusiasm. He hates the "City of Sin".

       Regretfully, the only thing left in Vegas was my seven-year old's virgin eyes.

       He can't remember Disneyland or previous Christmas's, but he still remembers to this very day the "naked lady  on the ground". Damn pornography. It pollutes both the streets and human minds. "She had red hair" he says, he remembers every flippin detail. If he grows up and has either fears or fetishes of red heads, It will be all my fault.

      I hate pornography. It's a mother's worst nightmare. It's obvious I'm a mom. Not because I wear high waisted jeans with nine inch zippers(because I don't). I became a mother when my view of the world turned to the protection of children. It's no longer about sombody driving too fast, it's about a person who's going to run over a child. To quote my kids, it's no longer "that girl dancing on the table in her underwear." It's somebody's daughter who needs to put her clothes back on. So now my kids have seen a stripper perform in the Excalibur casino. So much for good parenting, and our castle experience. While simultaneously exiting Vegas and discussing  wrong and right with our children, I discreetly rolled down the window and gave Sin City the middle finger.

       Everyone believes differently; what a relief that is! What I think is horrible might be perfectly fine to somebody else. You can go to Vegas and become a Chip n Dale, good for you-really. Maybe your mom shows up to cheer you on, good for her. I am trying to find happiness in God and religion while you're finding it in strip clubs and horror movies. I'm not better than you, we're just different -really.

       I don't want to sound condescending, I sincerely want to meet someone who enjoys the movie Saw. If they promise not to kill me, I want to pick at their brain....but not literally.  No matter where we stand in life, everyone of us can find common ground,  something to agree on. For instance... Paris Hilton sucks, Donald Trump's hair is ugly, and reality T.V is not really....uhh....real.